Sunday, October 19, 2008

Notes on Dan

Daniel Roggebusch is a delicate flower. His younger half-brother Barry, the protagonist of 48 Broad, learned early in life that talking to Dan was akin to tip-toeing on those proverbial eggshells. Careful what you say. What's innocuous to you could be the spark that lights Dan's ultra short, super high-strung fuse. Barry's bedwetting problem? Fuhgeddaboutit. One night, when he was six or seven, Barry didn't want to sleep alone because of the thunderstorm raging outside his third-floor bedroom windows. So he, yes, tip-toed into Dan's room and kindly asked if he could spend the night in his bed. Dan happily obliged. And then Barry wet said bed. Of course, this would be annoying to anyone, but Dan went beyond annoyed. He went ballistic. "WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY!" He jumped out of bed and stampeded up and down the room ripping Barry a good half-dozen or so new assholes. Barry had known what was coming, of course. Dan was still asleep when he woke up to the wetness. He crept out of bed and lay down in the center of the room on the off-chance that the distance from the bed and his volatile brother would somehow shield him from Dan's righteous indignation.

Okay now maybe it was hard to get my point across with the bedwetting example. Let's take something more innocuous that yielded a more hysterical response, such as the time Dan ripped off the new floral wallpaper in the bathroom...

...when he was told he had to go to bed.

When Dan was eight or nine or so, Mom and Dad said it was time to hit the sack. It was past ten. It was a school night. You know how it goes when you're that age. Well Dan, being a sports nut, wanted to stay up to watch Monday Night Football. His hometown Washington Redskins were battling their arch nemesis, the Dallas Cowboys. Didn't matter. His parents were insistent to the point that his father raised his voice. To say that Dan became livid wouldn't do his temper justice. First, he stampeded around the living room proclaiming that it wasn't fair. It wasn't fair his older sister Peggy got to stay up later than him. Now mind you, at this time Peggy was only eleven or twelve. Her bedtime was all of one hour past Dan's, but when you're that young, that's an eternity. When he saw that his tantrum was having no effect, he marched into the first-floor bathroom in all his pajama-clad fury and proceeded to rip off every strip of the just-laid wallpaper. His parents didn't bother stopping him. They knew better than to prevent the temper from running its course. Just the year before, Dan had thrown a baseball through the glass sliding door because his mom wanted him to clean his bedroom before dinner. During the 48 Broad years, when he was a teenager, Dan's stepmom Faith chided him, albeit gently, for picking on Barry, to which Dan responded by slamming down the cookie sheet full of tater-tots and stomping up the three floors to his bedroom. Incidents like these weren't exactly common, but they happened enough so that it became clear to the whole motley crew at 48 Broad St. that our man Dan leaned toward the fragile side.

Now after all of that, you might think Dan was simply stark raving, someone to avoid at all costs. I apologize if I've given that impression because it simply isn't true. First of all, let's start with his background, shall we? The cards were stacked against him before he made it to preschool.

Daniel Roggebusch was born Daniel Woods. His mom and dad were Joanne and Marcus "Woody" Woods. When he was two or three, Joanne and Woody each started having affairs. Not at the exact same time. The question of who started cheating first would remain a question until the end of time. To her dying day Joanne, who later changed her name to Joan, contended that Woody was the original cheater, and that he cheated openly. Apparently he came back from a trip to the Caribbean with his mistress and left the woman's used panties on the bed for Joanne to find. He wanted out of the marriage but lacked the cojones to ask for a divorce. Joanne would always claim that's why she started her affair with Frank Roggebusch, who lived down the street with a wife and two kids of his own. Not only was Dan still a toddler when this happened, not only was Peggy all of five or so, but Joanne said Woody started cheating on her when she was still pregnant with their third, and what would be their last, child, Louis. It was about a year after Louis was born that she initiated her affair with Frank. Again, this is her story. If you ask Woody, you'll get a completely different version.

Whatever the chain of events, the end result was that Joanne and Frank ended up marrying, with Frank adopting Peggy, Dan, and Louis. Like I said, he already had two kids of his own from his first marriage. Now do you think that stopped him and Joanne from procreating? Hell to the naw! Where do you think our hero Barry came from? He was the one and only child born of that union. His parents split when he was six and a half, and neither had any kids after him. That is how he remained the youngest of the umpteen, and why he should get as much of our sympathy as we can spare.

Now back to Dan. Can you see now why he may not have been put together as neatly as he should've been? You can't begrudge him his parents philandering when he was barely old enough to say "milk." During the ten or so years Joanne was married to Frank, and the brood was still living in the D.C. suburbs, Dan adapted as well as could be expected. While still in elementary school, he volunteered to do the dishes every night. Indeed, for the rest of his life he would remember with great fondness how on some nights, while he was doing dishes, his adopted dad Frank was down in the basement playing jazz on the piano or xylophone.

Frank divorced Joanne smack in the middle of Dan's freshman year of high school. Because Joanne didn't have much money, having given her final two trust fund payments to her first husband and Frank's first wife, she couldn't afford to raise any of her kids. So Frank took them all up to 48 Broad St. in Mount Holly, New Jersey, the three-story Queen Anne he bought with his third wife, Faith. Again, this was a huge change, and challenge, for Dan. High school sucks enough as it is. Now having to switch high schools halfway through your freshman year...?

Dan's dishwashing ritual carried over to 48 Broad, and it fostered more happy memories. As an adult, he'd recall doing the dishes in that gargantuan house, with that big bay window above the sink looking out at Buttonwood St., as Frank and Faith played classical piano duets in the music room down the hall. It's ironic that some of Dan's fondest memories involved music, as he never really liked music much himself. Quite the contrary. As time went on, he became a talk radio junkie. By the time he was a teen, it was simply impossible to go to bed without voices coming out of the radio. It didn't matter if it was news, sports, whatever. Someone had to be reading a story to him in some way, shape, or form, or he'd never fall asleep.

Dan was no fool. He knew he was emotionally delicate, and that his occasional freak-outs would, well, freak people out. And so, perhaps out of a subconscious desire to compensate for that, he became the clown of 48 Broad. Rarely did a dinner or a game of Oh Hell! or any other family gathering go by without Dan saying or doing something that would get the Roggebusches rolling on their asses. On a road trip to Six Flags Great Adventure, the brood was split between Frank's white Ford van and Faith's VW. Among those in the van were Dan and Barry. On the way home Barry had to take a leak something fierce. Dan had a plan. He took an empty McDonald's cup and had Barry relieve himself in it. Dan even held it for him. Then Dan, unfamiliar with physics, opened one of the side windows while the van was going full speed and, instead of aiming the cup backward (don't worry, the road behind was empty), he aimed it forward. Yes, the warm yellow stuff flew back in his face. Not only did he not explode upon this occasion, he simply sat back and afforded everyone a priceless deadpan look while drops of Barry's urine dripped down his face. Frank's laughter doubled him over the wheel and made him veer onto the shoulder before he regained control.

As I indicated above, Dan had two siblings who shared the same mother and father. The oldest of the three, Peggy, didn't come with the family to New Jersey. She was in the middle of her senior year of high school and didn't want to change schools now. Although legally she was the daughter of Frank, she worked out a deal with Woody, her biological father, to live with him while she wrapped up high school. That didn't stop Dan and Peggy from being each other's confidant. They spoke on the phone at least once a week. Dan went down to visit now and again, but Peggy never came up.

Actually, Peggy did visit 48 Broad all of one time. It was in the summer of '83, about half a year after the family moved up there. She'd just finished high school. In the six months since reconnecting with her real father, she'd become his legal ward again. Her only purpose in coming up to Mount Holly was to ask Frank if he could finance her college education despite his no longer being her father. That didn't go over too well with Frank. Peggy went back to D.C. with no idea how she was going to pay for college. She and Frank never spoke again.

But that's another novel. Let's stick with 48 Broad, shall we?

The third and last child born of Woody and Joanne, Louis, did come with everyone to Jersey. He and Dan were like peas and carrots. They excelled at making each other, and everyone else, laugh. If you saw one without the other, somehow it felt wrong. They were the Starsky and Hutch of the household. Ponch and Baker. Batman and Robin.

Still, Dan and Louis had their fundamental differences. For one, Dan liked structure. He liked order. When they first moved in, he helped Faith steam the wallpaper on the third floor. The way to do it was to steam in square-shaped sections. Faith would have him trace a square on the wall, and then steam that. And then make another square, and so on. Dan became the right hand to George Taylor, the elderly guy Frank hired to be the family's handyman. A month never went by when George didn't come over to fix something. And during the summer months he was there almost every day tending the lawn and flower beds. George Taylor had been married to the daughter of the couple who lived there before the Roggebusches. The daughter and the couple had all passed away by this time, and George, for all his sturdy demeanor and granite countenance, looked plenty old enough to drop at any time himself. He already had his plot picked out next to his late wife. Anyway, Dan helped him out a lot.

Dan's bedroom, on the opposite end of the third floor from Barry's, had a little alcove right outside it with a window looking straight down at Buttonwood St. This is where he set up his desk that he hardly ever used except to store random stuff on. Dan wrestled with his classes a lot more than the rest of the brood. Don't even get him started on geometry. Rarely did a day go by when Faith wasn't tutoring him. With a master's in math, geometry didn't faze Faith. If not for her, Dan would've failed for sure. As it was, he still barely passed. In fact, he always suspected he did fail geometry but that the teacher passed him just to get rid of him. During his senior year, which is when 48 Broad takes place, Dan's U.S. History teacher worked part-time at nights in a liquor store. Was he a lush? Was that why he sometimes repeated the exact same lecture as the day before? That never bugged Dan. At least it gave him a second chance to digest the material. Why couldn't his geometry teacher have done that?

While he wasn't a big music fan, he did have a Walkman that came in handy during homework time. That is, unless Duran Duran's "Hungry Like the Wolf" came on. Several times during the song you've got the line "I'm on the hunt I'm after you." But one time toward the end it goes "I howl and I whine I'm after you." No matter how many times he heard this song, Dan would always think he could hear Louis say, "Dan, I hate you!" at the same time that line was said. He'd always lift one of the ear pieces to see if Louis really had yelled something.

Speaking of Louis, another difference between Dan and him was that Louis had a ton of friends. Dan? Not a big people person. He never had a problem with the ladies, though. At a tad north of six feet, he was the tall one of the house. And he was physically fit, being an avid basketball player. Tall? Athletic? Getting a girlfriend was a no brainer. For most of his high school years his gal was Veronica. She came from the family that had founded a local chain of hardware stores, but money wasn't what attracted Dan. They loved each other. They lost their virginity to each other. In fact, it was in the middle of the virginity loss that Barry walked into Dan's bedroom to see if his big brother wanted to play video games. No, don't worry. Dan didn't freak out at all. He and Veronica could only laugh.

It was due to Dan and his great sense of humor that two neighborhood regulars had catchy nicknames. First and foremost was the big old bald guy next door. On the family's very first night in the house, Dan and Barry were up in a second-floor room that was a TV room before it became Frank's office. From there you had a direct view into the house next door. When they looked down, they could see into the kitchen on the first floor. This old bald guy was walking around getting something to eat, and Dan immediately dubbed him Boss Hogg, after The Dukes of Hazzard character. That show, by the way, was one of Barry's favorites at the time. Dan had only called him Boss Hogg to make Barry laugh, but the name stuck. Everyone at 48 Broad ended up referring to him as Boss Hogg or just Hogg.

And let us not forget Squirrel Man. Yes, Squirrel Man. Like Boss Hogg, his real name was never discovered. Unlike Boss Hogg, Squirrel Man didn't live nearby. At least, he didn't live close enough for anyone to ascertain where the heck he did live. He was a scrawny little guy in his thirties or so, always in jeans and a jean jacket, a sweatband keeping his long curly brown hair in check, glasses square and thick. He must've lived at least somewhat close by because almost every day you'd see him walking down Broad St. The first time Dan saw him, the guy had stopped on the sidewalk just outside 48 Broad to observe a pair of squirrels chasing each other to and from a tree and the roof. Dan dubbed him Squirrel Man on the spot. Like Boss Hogg, the label stuck.

For all his volatility, Dan was beloved by all. His sense of humor was sharp, sometimes biting and uncompromising, but that's how he couldn't fail to earn your respect. The odds were against him becoming a functional human being, but he toughed it out and overcame the odds.

Scary times lay ahead, though. 48 Broad is set in May of 1986. A high school senior, Dan is all of a month away from the rest of his life. Ideally he'd like to go to the University of Maryland. He applied but hasn't heard back yet. More than that, though, his plan is to follow Peggy's lead and reconnect with his real father. He hasn't told Frank yet.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Notes on Bunny

Ask her if Antonio Stradivari had a hand in her creation, and Bunny'd say, "Yup! And a bow too!"

Bunny Stringfellow couldn't remember a day in her life when she wasn't playing the violin. As far as she knew, she popped out of her ma's womb with the instrument in hand and the strings already tuned. And why not? Her father, Sydney Stringfellow, was a violin virtuoso.

Now her grandfather, that was always a bone of contention. The fact that Ulysses Stringfellow shared a first name with a certain Union general didn't provide much consolation. Ulysses, in his mid twenties when the Civil War broke out, enlisted in one of the volunteer regiments of New Jersey. In no time he lost his right arm (his bow arm!) at some obscure little battle in Virginia that didn't even make it into the history books. You think that stopped him? I'm telling you, something special was pumping through the veins of the Stringfellow line. To wit, within weeks of returning home, Ulee was devising a way to use his teeth as a substitute for his missing limb. Ultimately he made a wooden contraption with a copper clamp at the end of it and then trained his left arm to be his bow arm.

Ulee's father was Leopold Stringfellow of Bonn, Germany. Rumor had it that at the age of nineteen, the young Leo played Beethoven's Große Fuge, one of the deaf man's final string quartets, with the deaf man himself as conductor. With that notch on the ol' resume, Herr Stringfellow made a comfortable living as a violinist. Thanks to references, he was performing for aristocracy as far away as Berlin.

And then civil war broke out. The German states were sucked into a vortex of mindless bloodshed. Whether you were a civilian or a soldier had no bearing on your chances of survival. Like millions of his countrymen, Leo took his wife and son Ulee to the United States. This happened around the same time as Ireland's potato famine, which likewise precipitated its own exodus to the New World. Suffice it to say that the poor guy checking off names at Ellis Island was putting in overtime like it was nobody's business.

The Stringfellows eventually found their way to Northampton, New Jersey, 'bout twenty or so miles east of Philadelphia. As luck (or the lack thereof) would have it, the American Civil War broke out within a few years of their arrival. As I said above, Ulee volunteered at great cost to his musical future. Not that it would've made much difference in terms of career. The demand for classical violinists in South Jersey didn't come close to what it had been in the Old World. Indeed, Ulee didn't waste a minute after high school before pursuing a law degree at Rutgers College. He was working at a small firm on High Street in Northampton when the war started. Still, his being a working stiff didn't detract from his passion. He found time to play every day, even after losing his arm, and he didn't mind at all putting on free private concerts for his pals. And once in a while he'd put on professional (i.e. paying) concerts for folks around town who wanted to marvel at the one-armed violinist.

No one after Leo was able to make a steady living with the violin the way he did. You think that put a crimp in the family tradition, though? Not a chance. As soon as our dear little Bunny turned five, her parents enrolled her in the music school at 48 Broad Street in Northampton. Thanks to her parents' stern enforcement of practice practice practice, coupled with the rigorous curriculum at 48 Broad, not to speak of that magic flowing through her lineage, Bunny became a standout in no time. By age ten, her time at 48 Broad was split between her own lessons and tutoring the newbies. She named her violin Sissy to make up for the sister she never had. She did have an older brother. Named after his great-grandfather in the hopes that he'd at least make an effort to follow in those impossible footsteps, Leo II adamantly resisted his heritage. Mom and Dad suffocated him with the issue until he finally packed up and hopped on the brand new trolley to Burlington City, where he moved in with his aunt and uncle.

Trust me, naming her violin didn't make Bunny weird. Everyone named their instruments. And they'd talk to them too, usually in frustration when it wouldn't play the notes it was supposed to, or in sheer bliss when a recital went off without a hitch. And yes, Sissy really was a Stradivarius. She had the signature on the inside to prove it.

Bunny and Sissy became the stars of 48 Broad. On her eleventh birthday, riding that stringed high, Bunny started composing her own little violin concerto. She worked on it off and on until her death two years later.

Ah yes, the world before antibiotics. Poor Bunny had nothing more than the flu in the spring of 1913. That was enough to keep her bedridden for two weeks before she succumbed. And talk about an inopportune time, the prodigy was on her way to completing a capstone course, the grand finale of which would've seen her performing a violin concerto by one of the masters, and with symphony orchestra accompaniment to boot. She had five to choose from and had been considering each one quite carefully. Some days she'd wake up convinced it would be Beethoven. After all, she was probably the only person in the country whose great-grandfather had actually played with the wild-haired maestro. But then other times, say, after supper, she'd retire to her room convinced that Mendelssohn was the way to go. Even on her deathbed, God bless 'er, the poor thing kept Sissy at her side and maintained her practice regimen. She wanted to perfect her ability to play each of the five concertos before making her final decision.

You don't have to know much about violins to appreciate the gravity of this decision. Let's take each composer in turn, shall we? We'll start with Beethoven, friend of the family. The piece in question is Violin Concerto in D major (opus 61). Luddy wrote this in 1806 when he was thirty-five, and he premiered it in Vienna exactly one week after turning thirty-six. It's mainly characterized by a lot of high notes, which was sort of the style at the time. It was popular for a while but in the end didn't produce more than a few ripples before fading out, not to be revived until 1844, well after the man's death. Talk about an odd coincidence, the man who conducted the symphony at that revival was Felix Mendelssohn, who himself is the composer of another of the five concertos under discussion here. It's thanks in large part to that revival that Beethoven's Violin Concerto in D major was recognized for the vital piece it is. To this day it's considered one of the gold standards in the violin repertoire. Like all of these pieces, it's got three movements, in this case Allegro ma non troppo (D major), Larghetto (G major), and Rondo Allegro (D major).

Okay. That's Ludwig van. Now let's chat a bit about Felix Mendelssohn. Born in Hamburg, Felix did most of his growing up in Berlin. Like a certain Wolfgang Mozart (and Bunny for that matter), our man Felix was a child prodigy with the violin. Whereas the violin didn't really turn out to be Wolfie's thing, Felix stuck with it. Another parallel with Mozart is that he didn't live very long. Mozart kicked off a few weeks shy of thirty-six. Felix was thirty-eight when he went to the big violin in the sky. And Felix, like Mozart, was a workaholic. He overdid it and then some. What really bodyslammed him was his sister's death. It was only six months after her death that a series of strokes did him in.

He was thirty-six when he finished composing his incomparable Violin Concerto in E minor (opus 64). It took him six solid years to write this sucker. Labor of love? That doesn't come close to doing it justice. Its three movements are: Allegro molto appassionato (E minor), Andante (C Major), and Allegretto non troppo – Allegro molto vivace (E Major). That it contains the standard three movements is pretty much the only aspect of this piece that isn't forward thinking. It didn't just break new ground, it laid down a whole new bed of seeds. Right off the bat in that first movement, Felix bags the Classical convention with the establishment of the soloist (he also did this in his First Piano Concerto). See, in Classical music, right? You'd have the opening with the orchestra followed by the same stuff with the addition of the soloist. Not here. Plus, rather than having his three movements so rigidly delineated from each other, he had that first movement sort of flow into the second one. And then he threw in a bridging passage between the second and third movements. The second movement, as most second movements, is kind of slow. But it doesn't fade out. The bridge comes right away. And then we're off to the races with the fast third movement. You've got to understand that before Felix came along, there'd always be a pause after each and every movement, during which the audience would get to clap. Felix, though, composed this sucker so that all three movements could be performed sans pause (and sans clap). You can just picture the folks in the audience at that first performance sort of looking at each other, wondering if they should try to interrupt the bridging bassoon with some bravos or something. Another thing that made this piece innovative is that, in addition to highlighting the violinist as a soloist right away, it also requires the violinist to be an accompanist to the orchestra for certain extended periods. Perhaps this was to compensate for the poor violinist's never getting a chance to rest the ol' arms during the entire performance.

And now for Johannes Brahms who, like Beethoven, is considered one of the three big Bs (the third being Bach). While originally from Germany, Johannes eventually relocated to Vienna. The piece that concerns our little Bunny is Violin Concerto in D major (opus 77). When Johannes wrote this in his mid forties, it was originally for a violinist pal of his named Joseph Joachim. It had its world premiere in Leipzig on New Year's Day, 1879. Joseph was the violinist, and Johannes did the conducting. Interestingly, this concert also included Beethoven's violin concerto. Joseph got Johannes to agree to start the concert with Beethoven, and then close it out with Johannes's brand new piece. Apparently Johannes belly-ached about how pairing his piece with Ludwig van's in the same evening was giving the audience too much D major. At any rate, he went through with it, and in no time it became one of the gold standards. The three movements in the ol' quick-slow-quick pattern are Allegro non troppo (D major), Adagio (F major), and Allegro giocoso, ma non troppo vivace - Poco più presto (D major).

Now let's take a break from the Germans and go pay a visit to Russia. Peter Tchaikovsky composed his Violin Concerto in D major (opus 35) when he was pushing forty. But he didn't compose it in Russia. Nah, Pete had just come out of a pretty horrible marriage and was feeling pretty shitty. So to get away from it all, he lived for a time in the Swiss resort of Clarens, on the shore of Lake Geneva. That's where he wrote the concerto. It had its premiere three years later, in December 1881. The three movements are Allegro moderato (D major), Canzonetta: Andante (G minor), and Finale: Allegro vivacissimo (D major). It's not the flashiest piece, but it is considered one the most technically difficult violin works to pull off. The second and third movements are played without a break. Whereas that was all new and cool when Felix did it, by now it wasn't a big deal, but it's still hard to do if you're the poor schmo who's gotta play it. When it first premiered, the critics were mixed. One thing's for sure, it was by no means lauded as the masterwork it is today. This one well-regarded critic, Eduard Hanslick, basically ripped Pete a new one. Ed said the piece was "long and pretentious" and "brought us face to face with the revolting thought that music can exist which stinks to the ear." Feeling on a roll, Ed also wrote that "the violin was not played but beaten black and blue," and that the last movement was "odorously Russian."

And now we go back to Germany with Max Bruch. Max was born about a decade after Beethoven died. He himself didn't die until 1920. In other words, he outlived Bunny. Among his two hundred or so works are three concertos for violin, but the standout is Violin Concerto No. 1 in G minor (opus 26). He was all of twenty-eight when he wrote this, pretty impressive considering the fact that, of these five pieces for Bunny to consider, this one is generally regarded as the most beautiful. Scholars say this single concerto is basically when the Romantic era reached its peak. This piece has got a bunch of passages scattered throughout whereby a violinist can really strut their bow-driving stuff. Funnily, this opus is also considered the easiest of the five to play, but what exactly does that mean when you're comparing it to the likes of Beethoven and freakin' Tchaikovsky?

The first movement is sort of a prologue to the second, with the former flowing into the latter, another nod to Felix. Speaking of the three movements, they are Allegro moderato (called the Vorspiel, which is German for Prelude), Adagio, and Allegro energico (finale). Notice how that third movement has a word in it that looks like energetic? Right. That's because, well, it's a pretty intense and fast-paced bit. It's where the violinist starts to ooze those buckets of sweat. It takes its time getting there, though. The Prelude sounds like a slow and steady march, but a march that's steadily building in urgency. And then it repeats. The second movement is slow, but it's where we get to that gorgeous melody for which this piece is renowned. It's rich, it's expansive, and it just might make you cry. The third movement starts quietly before climaxing with some real fireworks, what they call the accelerando. Poor Bunny, to pull this off, would have had to make her little Stradivarius faster and louder and then whack the audience with a pair of grand chords at the very end. I can't tell you how many times she pulled this off so perfectly in her head. How it played out in reality never quite measured up. The teachers, however, marveled at her ability to punch out the third movement.

At any rate, I'm sure by now you can see just how tough a choice it was for dear Bunny. So tough that she died before she could decide. So tough that when the Roggebusch family moved into 48 Broad seventy years after her death, she still hadn't decided. Her ghost was still up on the third floor practicing each and every movement of each and every piece.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Notes on Frank

Frank Roggebusch was born in a piano.

Okay, not really. But if you were to tell him that, he'd probably believe it. He started taking piano lessons at six courtesy of his mother who, along with his father, was a terrific violinist. Once Frank got his driver's license at sixteen, he formed a band with some high school pals and actually scored paying gigs. While his band mates changed now and again, Frank continued making piano his passion while everything else (dating, college, getting a doctorate at Johns Hopkins, getting married) happened in the meantime. By the time he was an undeclared student at George Washington, the tall dark Frank was raking it in. He could play classical, rock and, eventually, after a ton of practice and dogged effort, jazz. By his graduate school years, Frank was Da Man in music circles. He was no longer with a band but was scoring solo gigs left and right courtesy of word of mouth and references from professional musicians, even from the likes of jazz pianist and arranger Bill Potts.

By the spring of 1986, when 48 Broad takes place, Frank was an economics professor at Temple University. He was in his third marriage, with three kids of his own (two from the first, one from the second), two adopted kids who originally belonged to his second wife and her first husband, as well as two stepkids from his third wife. He was no longer in Washington, D.C., where he lived from birth until his early forties, but was now living at the titular three-story Queen Anne in New Jersey. As a second stream of income, he worked as a consultant for the Department of Energy in Washington, where he'd worked in the seventies. The beloved ivories had gone from being the sun of his solar system to one of those distant bodies just past Pluto about which astronomers can't agree on a designation. Is it a stand-alone dwarf planet? A Plutonian satellite? An asteroid?

That didn't stop him from belting out the occasional tune at least once or twice a week, usually late at night, when the kids had hit the sack or at least had calmed down enough that they didn't require his philosophical wisdom. Upon moving into 48 Broad in January of '83, the first decision he and his wife Faith made was where the music room would be. Faith was a classically trained pianist. Like Frank, she had her own piano. Frank himself not only had a piano, but a xylophone from his jazz days. Where would they put all that? Luckily 48 Broad was a massive enough house that they could actually set aside one room specifically for playing music. They ended up picking the first room on the left just inside the front door. In time one of Frank's stepkids, Alexander, used this room to practice bass. Stephen used it to practice his trumpet. And our hero, Barry Roggebusch, used it to practice piano for the five or so minutes that he took lessons, until he finally decided life would be so much simpler if he could collect Garbage Pail Kids and eat pizza.

The only musician who didn't use the music room was thirteen-year-old Bunny Stringfellow. As an aspiring violinist, she had quite the dilemma in trying to pick which concerto to play at her recital. 'Problem was, she'd missed the recital by a good hundred years or so. Just as she started gearing up for the grand finale, she'd come down with pneumonia and died. You think that stopped her? Obviously you're not a music lover if you're surprised that after a century, Bunny was up in that room which had become Barry's room, trying to decide on her recital piece. The fact that 48 Broad had ceased being a music school ages ago, and that she was a worm buffet, were immaterial to her.

But enough about Bunny. She had nothing to do with Frank. Or anyone else for that matter, besides Barry. Let's talk about how Frank went from being a car-loving cross-genre pianist to an economist and thrice-married father of seven.

Franklin Monroe Roggebusch was born on September 1, 1939, not only the same day but the same hour the Nazis invaded Poland, goose-stepping WWII into motion. Much later in life, and because of that weird connection, Frank made WWII scholarship one of his most passionate hobbies. But not as passionate as playing the ivories.

Like I said above, his mother started making him take lessons at age six. His teacher was a woman named Adeline. During the thirties, Adeline had been a nationally renowned classical pianist. Mind you, we're talking an era when women rarely got equal recognition for anything. She lived only a couple blocks away from Frank's big white column-fronted house and, as you can imagine, now that she was retired and had some free time on her hands, was quite in demand amongst all the parents in the neighborhood.

The piano in Frank's house originally belonged to his grandparents. Back when his folks were still student violinists, they would all have little concerts together in the living room. Just to show you that life moves in circles, the tradition was shaping up to continue, assuming Frank stuck with it long enough to hold his own against his folks. And boy, did he ever.

Since there was a piano in the house, Frank had no excuse not to put in the one hour a day of practice. But he didn't need an excuse. Frank was one of those weird kids who actually liked practicing. And he actually looked forward to those end-of-year recitals. The day before the big event, while his peers would be shitting bricks, Frank would be all giddy about the prospect of showing off what his little fingers could do.

Here's how those recitals worked. Adeline would have her least experienced players go first, and then save the best players for last. For several consecutive years, her nephew would always be the last player. That's not nepotism. The young man really was the most superior player out of all her students. Frank, of course, was the very first player to take the bench when he was six. Over the ten years he studied with Adeline, though, he steadily made his way up the roster. By his ninth year, he was second to last (the last being Adeline's nephew of course). That's the way it was looking to go the following year as well.

As luck would have it, the nephew moved to Florida to start college. This helped Frank in two ways. First, he could audition to take the nephew's place as the pianist for this band called the Serenaders. The nephew, in fact, recommended Frank try out. He did and, sure enough, scored the job. Secondly, he was now Adeline's top pupil and so, at least theoretically and unless some new upstart came along, he'd be able to play last in what would be his final recital.

The Serenaders were an eight-piece band. You had Frank on piano, three on sax (two altos and a tenor), a trumpet, trombone, base, and drum. Despite their only being teenagers, these kats landed a good three or four paying gigs a month. They'd each collect $15 to $20 per gig. We're talking 1956 dollars here, folks, so this wasn't anything to sniff at. They used formal band scores, from which Frank always held onto the piano parts. Now and then they'd have a second tenor sax and a second trumpet, which made a huge difference to the sound. Frank was only with the band for his junior and senior years of high school, but they played a lot in that time. Toward the end they were each pulling in a cool $100 a month.

Parallel with this, Frank had to bust his butt to make sure he really would be Adeline's star pupil. For his final recital, he chose to play the piano concerto in A minor by Norwegian composer Edvard Grieg. Considered kitschy nowadays, back then Grieg's A minor concerto was one of the most popular in the repertoire. Frank worked on this thing for millions of hours. At one point he threw up his hands and quit altogether. Things picked up with the Serenaders, his confidence came back, and so did his determination to tackle Grieg.

But wait! As luck, or the lack thereof, would have it, Adeline decided to have Frank play next to last. The top spot went to this gal who was the daughter of the Secretary of Agriculture and had just moved into Frank's neighborhood. It was pure politics. She couldn't touch Frank, but apparently Adeline thought protocol mandated she have the honored spot. Frank remained bitter about this to his dying day.

Also swallowing up a lot of Frank's free time during his last couple years of high school was his undying love of the automobile. He was part of a neighborhood hot rod club called the Crestwood Gear Grinders. Their main preoccupation was sitting around, sipping the soda pop, shooting the shit, talking a lotta car talk while wearing their special jackets that featured their special logo and club name. Some of da boyz actually worked on cars, but not Frank. He just liked to learn about them and look at them. Mainly look at them. Eventually, as a father of seven, he'd get his ya-yas off talking about them ad nauseam.

Don't get me wrong, though. Frank and his pals did drag race now and then. Usually it would be on a Sunday at the runway of some local airport or other. All drag races would be a quarter mile. Frank, when it was his turn to race, would almost always lose. This might be because, while the vast majority of the cars would be Chevys and Fords, he would always bring one of his dad's Caddys.

The one time he achieved drag racing glory came during his junior year. This is how it happened. One day in the spring, in the locker room after baseball practice, a senior named John who, for reasons Frank eventually forgot, was his hated enemy, was bragging about the 1956 Ford Coupe his dad had just given him. It had Ford's most powerful V8 engine and, as spiffy extras, three carburetors, each with its own gorgeous chrome air filter cover, as well as other refinements. Frank would've bragged too had his dad gotten him one. Still, John was his hated enemy.

Finally Frank couldn't take it anymore and, right there in the locker room in front of everybody, said that John's new Ford didn't hold a candle to Frank's dad's '52 Cadillac. What's more, Frank could prove it. Specifically, Frank's dad was the owner of a 1952 Cadillac series 62 four-door sedan. It had a 190hp V8, up 30hp from the '51. Significantly, this engine had a lot of low rpm torque, making it especially powerful and therefore ideal for drag racing. John said he was full o' shit and wouldn't even bother taking him up on such an absurd challenge. What a waste of time, right? But just to show you that class struggles aren't confined to our former colonial masters, soon enough Frank's challenge against John became the junior class challenge against the seniors. A whole bunch of juniors, people Frank didn't even know, got all down John's throat about him being a piece of chicken shit in the rain. After weeks of provocation, John finally relented. The drag race was on.

But then suddenly Frank was like, "Aw shit. What am I gonna do? His Ford's gonna kick my big ol' sedan's ass!" He went to the Gear Grinder brain trust and pleaded for sage wisdom. They recommended Frank do a few things. First, remove the air filter from the carburetor so the engine could get air more easily. Second, make sure the tank's only a quarter full so the car's lighter. And finally, in lieu of standard gasoline, pump in some nitrogen-based fuel, maybe some nitro-methane. Frank followed their advice to the T.

The race took place on a fine Thursday dusk. Instead of the usual airfield, this race followed a quarter-mile stretch along the eastern border of their school, Sidwell Friends. Over 100 students showed up out of a total student population of 200. Sure enough, the modifications to Frank's sedan made it faster than John's awesome new Ford. Without the air filter, the engine produced a deep roar whenever Frank stepped on the gas. He won two out of three heats, but that's not even the best part. Check it out. Whenever he changed gears, two giant balls of blue flame shot out of the exhaust louvers. The reason for this was because, during a fraction of a second while the engine was spinning gas, it was disconnected from one gear and put in the other. While the engine spun, an uncombusted air-fuel mixture was dumped into the exhaust system. When the transmission clicked into the new gear, this mixture was ignited and blown out the car's rear. Recall this took place at dusk. While Frank didn't see it, his pals said it made his Caddy look like a freakin' jet plane. And since John spent two of the races swallowing this flame, he got a good view of it too. That, combined with the deep roar, let John know that Frank had done something.

John didn't waste a minute leveling accusations of cheating as soon as it was all over. Frank denied all knowledge. Ultimately John's indignation was in vain. Even if he knew what Frank had done, no one ever said there was a rule against modifying your vehicle. Anyway, hundreds of dollars exchanged hands between the two classes as the juniors collected on their bets. What's more, this event made it into the class yearbook when Frank graduated the following year.

Frank's dad came out the next morning to discover that his Caddy's exhaust valves were melted and deformed. Having a car's valves replaced was a bigger to-do in those days than it would be today. It cost the old man hundreds of 1956 dollars. He never could figure out what in tarnation had happened. He was no fool, though. Obviously Frank had done something, but what? Frank denied all knowledge. To his father's dying day, he never admitted what he did.

A few other times Frank would use his dad's car, although that '52 was the only one he ever damaged. His dad eventually got the 1953 Coupe De Ville, real snazzy with those fake-spoked-wheel hub caps and the spare tire hung out on the rear bumper in an enclosed casing (it looked almost identical to the '52 Coupe except it was a two-door). Shit, Frank would've happily driven that thing in 1986, let alone '56. As with the Serenaders, the Gear Grinders broke up after high school.


The music didn't stop for Frank, though. Far from it. While an undergrad at George Washington University, he hooked up with a jazz and dance band called the Rhythm Rockers. The front man was a genius sax player whom Frank, by a complete coincidence, had known in grade school.

The Rhythm Rockers marked a sea change in Frank's musical trajectory. It was the end of classical and the beginning of a new world. His learning curve here, especially when it came to jazz, was steep. You have to keep in mind that with the Serenaders, all Frank had to do was play the music as it was written on the sheet music provided. Jazz, in stark contrast, relies on improvisation. Although there would be notes written down, you weren't supposed to rely on that. Even worse, a lot of that written stuff was hard to do. Since no real jazz player would use written scores, maybe that's why a jazz score is called a fake book. Indeed, Frank actually got his hands on Fake Book Number One, which has famous pre-WWII show tunes by Cole Porter and all those guys. But fake books are different than sheet music. You take the Grieg concerto for instance. Every single note was written down. The whole problem is mastering what Grieg wrote. With a fake book, though, all that's written down is the melody, plus the chords. It really is up to the player to improvise all of the notes beyond the simple melody.

Frank knew nothing about any of that. He had quite the hangover from his classical days. He felt like he had to learn music from scratch all over again. In a sense, of course, he was. The rest of the fellas in the Rhythm Rockers dubbed him Grace Note Roggebusch because of his adherence to formality, making the music harder than need be. He had to bust his tail if he was going to learn this stuff.

And he did. It took a couple years, but eventually he caught up with the jazz idiom. That same tenacity he'd used to make it to the top of Adeline's class--second to the top anyway--served him well here. He practiced at home all the time (and drove his dad bonkers doing it). He also went to watch the pros do it. This was the perfect time to be a student of jazz. Remember, we're talking the late fifties and early sixties, when jazz was reaching its zenith as a vital art form. Plus, the innovators, the legends who grew out of this art form, were in their prime. Many of them lived and performed in Frank's hometown. Washington, D.C., then as now, had a substantial African-American population. Jazz was born out of African-American culture. Accordingly, many of the best practitioners were right there for him to study and marvel at.

The Rhythm Rockers scored a ton of gigs. And they raked in a ton o' dough relative to that time. We're talking $400 a month or so for each of them, 'bout five grand a year. Perhaps the plummest gig came right after freshman year at GW, during the summer of '58. Thanks to this travel agent who lived in Frank's neighborhood, the Rhythm Rockers were invited to be the nightly entertainment on this cruise ship bound for Europe. It meant free passage for Pete's sake! On a cruise to Europe! They'd get off at Bremerhaven, Germany, and then take the boat back from Southampton, England, about four weeks total. When they got to Bremerhaven, their guitarist, Tony, came down with appendicitis. While the rest of the gang traveled around the continent, Frank stayed with Tony at a hospital in Bremen. Tony's dad, as a side note, was the Attorney General under Ike, and then the Secretary of State under Nixon. In 1986 he chaired the committee that investigated the Challenger disaster. Frank ended up being grateful he could stay in one place and get the full Bremen experience instead of zipping all around with the rest of the fellas. And wouldn't you know, Bremen just happens to be the birthplace of two of the greatest beers mankind's ever quaffed: Beck's and St. Pauli Girl. Awesome, I know.

The band broke up soon after getting back. For the time being Frank scored gigs on his own name and from word of mouth. Depending on how many musicians he could get at any given time, his group would simply be called the Roggebusch Trio or the Roggebusch Quartet. By far the sweetest gig of this time period, which far outshines the European cruise, was a Caribbean cruise the Quartet scored in the summer of '60, just before Frank's senior year at GW. The gig lasted ten solid weeks on a ship that went back and forth to freakin' Bermuda: Out Friday night, back the following Friday morning. Repeat.

After getting his bachelor's in econ from GW, Frank stayed at the school to get his masters. By this time he and one of his quartet from the Bermuda trip had formed a full-blast nineteen-piece jazz ensemble. We're talkin' five saxophones, five trumpets, five trombones, piano, base, drums, and guitar. They played new and totally professional arrangements. Frank talked his parents into letting this huge group rehearse in their living room. Whenever they did cram in there, Frank's folks would take refuge down the block at Frank's grandparents' place....where they could still hear the music just fine. This band played a bunch of concerts, most notably at the Watergate. The (in)famous Watergate hotel and apartment complex wasn't there yet, but the site was still called the Watergate because of how it was right on the Potomac. In those days it featured a floating orchestra shell situated near Memorial Bridge. They also had a steady gig every Friday night for over a year at a bar in Indian Head, Maryland. This bar was frequented by Navy Frogmen who spent all day learning to disarm torpedoes by hand. The smallest one of them was about nine or so feet tall and weighed five hundred pounds. The bar had two rules: Don’t fuck with the Frogmen. Or, more importantly, their women. Frank had no problem admitting he was by far the worst player of the group, but that meant he could use this experience to learn oodles about jazz.

In the fall of 1963 Frank began the PhD program in economics at Johns Hopkins. Not surprisingly, he had less time to jam. In '65 he landed his first day job, poor soul. He was 26, and all of his income up to this point in his life had come from tickling the proverbial ivories. Soon after becoming Dr. Roggebusch in the spring of 1967, Frank landed a teaching gig at Rice University in Houston. And that, ladies in gents, marked the very end of his playing for money. He was married at this point, and his first child would be arriving in the spring of '68. It was time for Frank to become a working stiff like the rest of us.

Those eleven years of playing, from his junior year at Sidwell Friends to getting his doctorate, provided more than their fair share of great memories. Those years, of course, were preceded by Adeline's making him a terrific classical player, but Frank viewed his "education" in jazz to be the equal of what Adeline taught him. By the end of it all, he'd learned to speak fluently in two vastly different languages of the piano.

His third wife Faith, to whom he was married during the 48 Broad days, had a degree in music and accordingly a far broader experience with classical. It should be noted, though, that she never did play anything the equal of Grieg's concerto. So Frank could gloat at least some. Even better in terms of Frank's gloating, she couldn't touch jazz. In principle she was a better musician than her hubby. He knew it, she knew it, they all knew it. But she had no idea about jazz, nor did she have the patience or energy or doggedness that Frank had needed when he began playing it. At the time, though, Frank didn't have kids to raise. Are you kidding? He was still a kid himself. Faith, on the other hand, had seven kids to help raise by the time he brought jazz into her life. Just listening to him play could be exhausting when it wasn't maddening.

Now let's go back a bit. I mentioned in passing that Frank scored his doctorate in economics. While he did eventually excel in academics, it didn't start out that way. Indeed, Frank was your prototypical late bloomer. When he started his freshman year at GW in the fall of '57, he was still getting his feet wet in the world of jazz. The last thing on his mind was what his major should be. Since both his father and grandfather were dentists, he decided he'd declare himself pre-dental and take stuff like chemistry and what have you. 'Problem was, he got a D in Chem 101 his first semester. So much for the whole dentist thing.

His first two years at GW saw him bounce around from major to major. Not that it bothered him much. He was having a ball playing in those bands. Finally, at the start of his junior year, his advisor sat him down and was like, "Come on, Frank! You've gotta pick a major if you want to get out of here in four years!" So they went over everything Frank had taken during his first two years. As it turned out, without even meaning to, he'd racked up enough credits in economics that if he declared a major in it, he'd be able to graduate in the spring of '61. So that's what he did. 'Turned out Frank was pretty good at the whole math thing. He got his bachelor's, then stayed at GW to get his masters. And then it was off to Hopkins for the ol' doctorate. It's hard to overstate what a big deal it was to get into Hopkins, not to speak of how hard it was to survive a doctoral program once you were in. Frank did it, though. He finished his dissertation in the spring of '67 and immediately scored a teaching gig at Rice.

By this time he was married to wife number one: Mary. He'd met Mary several years earlier at a GW frat party. At the time she was a secretary at FBI headquarters. Two years into Hopkins, he married her. That's when he landed his first day job and finally had to move out of his parents' place.

He didn't last long at Rice, not that he minded Houston. In fact, he loved taking in some baseball at the then-brand-spanking-new air-conditioned Astrodome. What bummed him out was that he wasn't getting an opportunity to apply what he'd learned. He'd gone straight from being a student to a teacher. So in the summer of '68, he and the missus and baby Stephen, born that spring, moved back to Washington, D.C., where Frank landed a job at a consultancy. That's when he bought his first house courtesy of the cash his dad gave him for the down payment.

Jonathon was born in the spring of '71. It was around this time that his personal life started spiraling downward as fast as his career was rocketing upward. Down the street from the Roggebusches was a couple named Marcus and Joanne Woods. They had three younglings: Peggy, Daniel, and Louis, the latter having just been born in December of '70. While Louis was still in the womb, Marcus, a reporter, started having an affair with a woman at the Defense Department. One time they traipsed to the Caribbean. When he got back, Marcus didn't say a word about it....but he did leave his mistress's worn panties on the bed for Joanne to find.

Frank, meanwhile, had grown unhappy with his marriage. It wasn't anything specific Mary did. Call it irreconcilable differences. He began looking outside the marriage just as Joanne down the street was doing the same.

The affair started out clandestine as could be. 'Member how I mentioned above that the Watergate complex wasn't built yet? Well, by this time it was not only up, but one of Frank's pals owned an apartment there. This guy gave a set of keys to Frank for him and Joanne to enjoy each other's company in private. Here's the thing about Marcus, though, that made this whole plan go to shit. He was a reporter for one of the big three affiliates. He'd been a reporter there for years and so knew a lot of people around town, including cops. After finding out that Joanne was messing around, he hired a detective to follow them and wiretap that apartment at Watergate. Frank then found out about it and was about to blow the lid on Marcus and his cop pal, which would have caused some embarrassment for himself but would no doubt have drowned Marcus and the cop in a tank of hot water. For a second there it looked like it would actually happen, but Frank finally backed off after Marcus agreed to do the same. A few years later Marcus admitted to Frank that he had kept a gun in his trunk specifically for blowing him away.

Frank and Joanne were caught off-guard by Marcus's indignation. After all, he philandered first, and while Joanne was pregnant with their third child, to boot. Nonetheless, Joanne got out of there. Frank divorced Mary. The new couple got hitched in a quickie ceremony in the Dominican Republic.

Mary, meanwhile, moved back to Fort Myers, Florida to be near her family. This is where Stephen and Jonathan lived during the seventies. Frank had to pay her $300 a month in alimony, plus $600 for child support for both kids.

Frank and Joanne bought a house in Kensington, Maryland. Frank adopted Peggy, Daniel, and Louis. Joanne had misgivings about this because, with Marcus no longer the legal parent, he was no longer obligated to provide child support. A good bit of Joanne's ten-year marriage to Frank was spent wrestling with her ex about getting him to help provide for his kids. This struggle soon became akin to whacking a tennis ball against a brick wall. What motivation could Marcus possibly have to help out the wife who left him? What's more, upon the dissolution of their marriage, Marcus threatened to sue Frank and Joanne for alienation of affection. It would've been one more empty threat, but he scared Joanne enough for her to pay him off with $10,000 from the trust fund she inherited after her mother committed suicide in January of '64.

For his part, Frank came close to breaking down now and then because of the giant dollar-sign-shaped anvil making itself comfortable on his back. The ex jazz star had two kids, three more adopted kids and a homemaker wife under his mortgaged roof, an ex-wife to whom he paid a healthy nickel every month, other overhead like, ya know, food and what have you. Remember, the man was only in his mid thirties.

Help arrived with Joanne's thirtieth birthday in April of '75. She could now collect the final $10,000 from her parents' trust fund. That check never touched her hands. It went straight from the mailbox to Frank's checking account so he could send a payment to Mary that would keep her quiet for a while.

Otherwise, Scotch helped immensely when Frank felt stressed. He'd been a big beer drinker during his twenties. In fact, sometimes people wondered if it was the ice-cold sudsy stuff and not the piano that was his life's calling. By the time he turned thirty in the fall of '69, he was quite the Captain Chunk. So he went on a mega diet, shed a whole mess o' pounds....and then became a lover of Scotch. Preferably single malt. Sometimes he loved it a bit too much. After one particularly sincere night of Happy Hour, Frank conked out at the wheel on the Beltway. The walls that line the Beltway today were not there then. While he was out for the count, his station wagon (boy, had he come a long way from his dad's Caddys or what?) went straight off the side of the Beltway, over a small cliff, and flipped over completely before landing right side up. That lucky mustachioed jazz-loving man walked away with nothing more than a sore ass and a new appreciation for the power of Lagavulin.

Anticipating all of the college tuition he'd be responsible for--an obligation he couldn't imagine wouldn't kill him, what with everything else--Frank took a teaching job at Temple University in the fall of 1981. His teaching there meant his kids could attend free of charge, assuming they were accepted (not all of them would be). With Temple being in Philly 'n all, though, the commute was a good three hours. He worked around this by teaching Tuesdays and Thursdays. He'd go up first thing Tuesday, stay overnight that night and Wednesday night, and then come home after class on Thursday.

It was soon into this job that Frank met Faith Peterson at a math-related convention at the University of Colorado. Faith held an MA in math and was married to a math PhD. The reason she had a BA in music was because her hubby didn't want her making a living in the same field he did, and so she went back to school and graduated from Colorado as a terrific classical pianist.

Frank and Faith hit it off in no time. It helped that she had an intellect on par with his own, even if it meant she had the ego to go with it (as did he). Despite the fact that Faith had two sons and some emotional baggage courtesy of an abusive father, part of her appeal to Frank was the new beginning she represented. As much as that Scotch became his divine nectar, it still couldn't help with the burden he'd assumed by becoming the legal guardian of Joanne's three kids, not to speak of the fact that he and Joanne had had a child all their own: Bawrence Barney Roggebusch. He pursued his relationship with Faith to its consummation, albeit with less scandal than he had with Joanne.

Frank and Faith bought the three-story Queen Anne at 48 Broad St. in Mount Holly, New Jersey in the autumn of 1982 and moved in the following January. Living in South Jersey cut Frank's commute to Temple from three hours to less than an hour. They chose the Jersey side of the Delaware River because they heard the schools were better. Faith and her first husband, who lived in Los Angeles, agreed to have their kids John and Alexander move to Jersey.

For his part, Frank agreed with Joanne that her three kids from Marcus as well as Bawrence would all go with him. There weren't many options here, for Joanne had absolutely nothing. Frank did give her some of the proceeds from the Kensington house, but her last two trust fund payments had gone to her first husband and Frank's first wife. That bit from the Kensington house was like putting a Band-Aid on an amputation. Even worse, her kid sister had died in May of 1980 at the age of thirty-two from a very aggressive form of cancer. The death of Joanne's only sibling and her best friend was just as devastating as her mother's suicide, maybe even a bit more so. And just as she was getting back on her feet emotionally, Frank, for lack of a better word, dumped her. She was fucked. After rooming with someone in the D.C. area for a year and a half, she moved to North Carolina, became Joan Purvis, and started her new life.

Frank, meanwhile, agreed with Mary that Stephen and Jonathan could live with him at 48 Broad. That made seven--count 'em, seven!--kids converging under that Everest-steep roof.

It helped that Faith was able to land a job at a robotics firm, drawing on all the math she'd learned that her first husband had prohibited her from applying. More funds were needed, though, to keep that three-story ship above water. Frank utilized his connections at the Department of Energy, where he'd worked just before landing the Temple gig, to land contracts as an independent consultant.

And so this is the life Frank settled into. This is where he is in May of 1986, when 48 Broad takes place. He generally handled the responsibilities well. You could probably count on one hand the number of times he blew his top. If any of the kids acted out of line, he never snapped or yelled or said anything he'd regret a second later. Instead, he'd take them into the living room, sit them down, and have a calm, composed man-to-man. He may not have been consciously aware of it, but refusing to condescend was a brilliant move. By always treating his kids as if they were as smart as he was, he ended up, over the years, garnering their respect.

Oh yeah. At this point Frank was driving a Dodge Caravan.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Notes on Barry

The night of Sunday, January 30, 1983, turned out to be quite a night for the Roggebusch family. Having just relocated to the house on 48 Broad in Mount Holly, New Jersey that weekend from suburban Washington, D.C., they didn't even have time to unpack more than their television before it was time to watch their beloved Washington Redskins battle the Miami Dolphins in Super Bowl XVII. And believe me, they did so. Right there, smack in the middle of the forest of unpacked boxes in the first floor hallway with its mud-colored carpeting and its twin cold radiators standing sentry just outside that shell of a rusty kitchen. They didn't even bother with the chairs, so gung-ho were they in seeing if the Skins could win their first Lombardi trophy with a head coach who was only in his second year.

It wasn't pretty. Barely halfway into the first quarter, Miami's quarterback threw a postcard spiral into the waiting cradled arms of Jimmy Cefalo. While the Skins did score just before halftime, the Dolphins responded instantly with a 98-yard kickoff return, a Super Bowl record. The Fins were up 17-10 at halftime. Indeed, it wasn't until well into the fourth quarter that Washington finally managed to grab hold of the lead, and barely at that. On a fourth-and-one situation, when most teams usually punt, that upstart coach Joe Gibbs said screw it. If you don't risk big, you'll never win big. So he scrapped the whole punt thing and called for a run play off tackle with fullback John Riggins, an even more rebellious type who conked out in his soup at a White House dinner because he was still hung over from the previous night's excitement that he was even going to a White House dinner. As big a mother as Riggins was, he almost didn't make that one yard. One of Miami's defensive backs ran up and grabbed a hold of his jersey, but all to no avail. Riggo not only made that one yard, he huffed and puffed his beer-stuffed self all the way to the end zone. I don't think I need to tell you that Riggo was named the Bowl's MVP. That pass to Charlie Brown toward the end was the gravy on what was very nearly a turkey for Skins fans everywhere.

If you're not into football, then no doubt I could've written the above paragraph in Swahili (assuming I knew Swahili) and you would've gotten just as much out of it. Let me put it this way: While the Skins did win 27-17, it was one hell of a roller coaster ride getting there. The emotion in that first floor hallway shot up and down like the heart rate on a monitor.

It shot up and down for everyone, that is, except Bawrence Barney Roggebusch. Only six years old at the time ("six and a half!") and the youngest of all the Roggebusches, Barry couldn't have cared less about any football game. He didn't understand it, for starters, and never really felt compelled to try to learn about it. So much for contagious enthusiasm.

Nah. While the rest of the clan were all huddled together on that giant ochre pillow just below the side porch window, Barry sat to the side a bit, just a few feet away, by himself on the carpet, with his Walkman planted on his ears. Songs such as "Down Under" by Men at Work and "I Can't Go for That (No Can Do)" by Hall & Oates drowned out the tinny roars of the TV crowd. These tunes found such favor with the little squirt that, without realizing it, he was singing along out loud. When your heart rate's tense and the fate of your health resides with that burgundy and gold team on the glowing cube atop that crammed moving box you can't imagine ever being in the mood to unpack, and suddenly that kid over yonder starts singing in his squeaky little voice: "I come from a land down under/Where beer does flow and men chunder/Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder?/You better run, you better take cover," you're liable to blow a gasket and say something--or do something--at great expense to said tot.

And then when your team wins, you'll forget all about the one who didn't care in the first place. That's why no one noticed Barry getting up to use the bathroom; or how long he was gone; or how his face was a brighter shade of pale when he came back out. Not one person out of the eight who jumped up and screamed as Riggo made that historical run--not his father Frank, not his brand spanking (pun intended) new stepmother Faith, not his six half- and stepbrothers--noticed Barry barely able to stand on his own two feet and slap his Walkman back on. He himself didn't even have the wherewithal to notice how lopsided the earphones were, with the right earpiece coming to rest against his cheek while the left got lost in the scruffy blond hair.

He collapsed in a heap like so many of those Dolphins standing in the way of Redskins victory.

No one noticed.

"Hail to the Redskins!
Hail vic-tor-y!
Braves on the warpath!
Fight!
For old!
D.C.!"

Barry came down with Bell's palsy. The facial nerves and muscles responsible for the left side of his face had gone colder than the radiators. That half of his face would remain paralyzed for months. When he smiled, whenever he could scrounge up a reason to do so, it would look more like a twisted grimace. The doctors were at a loss as to how he caught the condition. Frank took his youngest to the doctor no less than half a dozen times in the two weeks Barry was out of school. And then there was that trip to the hospital for the CAT scan, which would go down as one of the most scarring experiences of Barry's life. Are you kidding? When you're six, the whole idea of being wrapped up and bound to a mechanical gurney with an iodine needle jabbed in your arm and a machine peering into you, that just...well...fucking sucks.

If that didn't make things interesting enough, along came that five-alarm fever. Almost every day for those two weeks of being bed ridden, the mercury climbed up to one-oh-seven, which theoretically is the point at which your brain shuts down and dies. Not for Barry, though, not with his father Frank and brother Dan watching over him like hawks and dunking him into an ice cold bath whenever that fever reached a fever pitch.

In the years afterward, Frank would take five minutes now and again to do impromptu facial exercises with his boy. Meanwhile, as you can guess, with a weird-ass name and now a weird-ass face to match, people harpooned Barry with more purpose than Mr. Dick ever would've the proverbial white whale had he ever caught the colossal motherfucker. Still, Barry snatched what hope he could. A year or so after the illness, he came down to dinner at the sound of that bell above the kitchen doorway that Frank gave a yank on every night at 7 p.m. As always, the horizontally expanding Barry got there first. Frank took him through the facial exercises. "Okay, now your eyebrows." Barry gave it a go, expecting nothing as always. But wait! This time, that left eyebrow actually, kinda sorta, went up a bit. It didn't hold a candle to the normal right eyebrow, but hey, that it moved at all made Frank's face light up with hope, and that hope rubbed off on Barry. To his dying day he'd never forget the look on his father's face at that moment.

That didn't stop the jokes at school, though. What made it worse was that most of the taunts came when his back was turned. Nor was Barry safe at home. Indeed, his brother Jonathan dubbed him one of Jerry's Kids. This was, of course, in addition to Barry's being used to wax the kitchen floor by one older brother or another on a routine basis. Dan was cool. Stephen never physically kicked his ass, but he could let loose with the verbal assaults if necessary. He loved saying "Bawrence Barney!" in mock indignation, as if Barry had done something wrong. That was because Barry's dad really did address him with his full first and middle weirdo names whenever he did something against their liking. Barry felt inspired by how his brothers looked so cool going to school in the morning after using mousse to make their hair look so perfect. Perhaps he could make his hair look stylish enough to offset that Quasimodo face. I'll let you figure out if it worked or not. This was compounded by the fact that he kept getting fatter. Spanky became yet another one of his nicknames.

Just as the Bell's palsy always remained a mystery, so did Barry's chronic bed wetting. He didn't piss his PJs every single night, but one morning out of every three he'd wake up to find his sheets soaked. This muddled even further the already rocky relationships with everyone else at 48 Broad, especially those siblings who got their jollies out of whooping his ass. Now they had one more excuse to do so. The bed wetting obviously wasn't Barry's fault. Most kids, by the time they're in Kindergarten or so, have in place whatever signal is needed to alert the brain when the bladder's full so they can wake up in time. Not Barry. Somehow his wires got crossed now and again. Frank bought a sort of white plastic covering to protect the mattress. That was something, at least, but suffice it to say sleepovers could get complicated. As patient as Frank could be, evidenced by his ability to be the guardian of seven kids without going bonkers, even he found himself begrudging his youngest a problem that was as much a part of nature's whim as the hurricane that blew down the tree next to the house that one summer.

'Fact is, the bed wetting taxed the patience of everyone, in part because no one could understand why it didn't fix itself. For his part, Barry was resigned to the problem lasting his entire life. Any thoughts of eventually having relationships with women, getting married, all that stuff? As they say in Jersey: Fuhgeddaboutit. Sometimes he'd complain about it to his mother. All she'd say was that it would go away eventually (which it did, although it took a few more interminable years).

Ah yes, Barry's mother. After Frank divorced her, Los Angeles native Joanne Roggebusch, nee Barney, dropped both the Roggebusch and the Barney and became Joan Purvis, assuming the maiden name of her mother. This despite the fact that her mother had committed suicide when Joan was 18, and the fact that on most mornings she woke up swearing she'd never forgive her. She hung around the D.C. area for about a year and a half after the divorce, visiting the Howard Johnson's a few miles from 48 Broad so she could see Barry as well as Dan and Louis, the two sons by her first husband Marcus Woods. She even agreed to swallow her humiliation and stay at 48 Broad one weekend to watch the kids while Frank and Faith went away for some alone time. Finally, in the fall of '84, after deciding that swallowing her humiliation was causing too much indigestion, she packed up and relocated to Chapel Hill, North Carolina, where the cost of living was lower, where it would only take her kids an hour's flight to reach her and where, as part of the greater Triangle area that included Durham and Raleigh, jobs would always be plentiful. Indeed, she wasn't there two weeks before she landed a temp gig at Duke University. After six months of that, she landed a permanent gig at the University of North Carolina Hospital.

Pretty much right after the divorce, Barry and his mother established a routine whereby they'd talk on the phone for about an hour every Sunday evening without fail. This routine became the only consistent thing in Barry's life. Usually he'd use the phone in the second floor hallway, bringing it into that deep and narrow wardrobe closet and closing the door before getting settled as far back as the cord would allow.

Joan had one more child with Marcus, a daughter named Peggy. Yes, believe it or not, Barry actually had one more sibling in addition to the 48 Broad brood. Peggy was the oldest. Like Dan and Louis, she was adopted by Frank soon after he married their mother. But when they divorced in January of '83, Peggy was in the middle of her senior year in high school. Moving to a new school in a new state just wasn't practical. So, although her biological father wasn't legally her father, he lived only a few miles away and so she moved in with him and her stepmother.....and yet two more little half-brothers from that side of the family.

During Barry's fourth grade year (1985-86), Joan and Frank agreed Barry could move to Chapel Hill and live with his ma during his junior high years. Suffice it to say by the spring of '86, when 48 Broad takes place, Barry was probably the only child on the planet looking forward to the next school year.

Lest you think this post is going to be all gloom and doom--one more time from Jersey--fuhgeddaboutit. Barry, like everyone else, certainly had his moments when he wondered what in Christ he'd done to deserve such a household, but he was a child, don't forget. And children aren't nearly as adept as adults at self-pity. So in that vein, let's talk about those rays of Garden State sunshine that kept his life from becoming a black pit of despair.

First, you've got Misty, that tall leggy cutie in his class with the blonde hair so bright its sheen could light up 48 Broad at midnight. At home, whenever "Take on Me" by a-ha started playing on the little clock radio next to his bed, he'd think of Misty. He was sure Misty wasn't one of those meanies making fun of his face whenever his back was turned. The reason he was fairly confident about this was because Misty didn't seem to realize he existed at all.

The one and only girl who spoke to him was Patricia, who sat next to him in class. About as chubby as Barry, Patricia had dreams of being a ballerina. Like Barry, she'd been a fan of the show The Greatest American Hero and was a fan of this awesome sitcom called Cheers. Barry watched Cheers religiously every Thursday night (along with The Cosby Show, Family Ties, and Night Court). Whenever Norm came in, the entire bar, plus Barry, would shout out, "Norm!" Patricia also liked talking to Barry about her ballerina class, about how her mother just didn't understand her, how her father wasn't around for long stretches of time. About anything, really. Of course, Helen Keller could have seen plain as day that Patricia was madly in love with Barry Roggebusch. Unfortunately, Mr. Roggebusch wasn't remotely as insightful as Ms. Keller.

Barry had a friend at home too. George Taylor was older than the mount that gave Mount Holly its name, but he was in fact the first pal Barry made upon his arrival at 48 Broad. And I borrow the word "pal" from George. That was his word. The night they arrived, George was already there trying to make the place at least habitable before the real restoration began. The family plus George all sat around the room that eventually housed the pool table, eating Burger King on a bunch of foldout card tables. George was the only other one at Barry's table. Barry was sucking down the vanilla shake when George said, "You and I should be pals. Would you like to be my pal?" Barry would never forget that.

George Taylor was, in fact, the son-in-law of the previous owners of 48 Broad, Donald and Frances Saft. The long-gone Safts had one daughter, Hortense, who herself had already passed away by the time the Roggebusches rolled into town. George became the Roggebusches' handyman and gardener for the next ten years.

I also shouldn't count out Frank as a sort of friend, at least in the way friends can be confidants. Barry never understood why, but his father would sometimes confide in him things which he would no one else. Quite often this would concern his first wife, Stephen and Jonathan's mother. Barry never could remember her name. He'd never met her. She lived in Fort Myers, Florida, where Stephen and Jonathan had done some of their growing up and where they went during the summers. Frank always called her Dracula, so that's how Barry always knew her. Apparently she'd done something really nasty and underhanded at great financial cost to Frank, in the wake of his leaving her for Joan. Frank would also ventilate his frustrations with some of Barry's siblings. The prime target here was Jonathan, the younger of the two boys Frank had had with Dracula. Jonathan's nickname was Double because he always got into double trouble. The older he got, the more he lived up to the moniker, to the tune of citations for drunk driving with a bong poorly concealed (because it was too big) under the passenger seat. Frank even said to Barry once how he wished Jonathan would aim more carefully when taking a piss so as not to leave so many stains on the toilet rim. On other occasions, Frank would relate some of the more heated arguments he had with Faith. Who knows? Perhaps Frank viewed his youngest as a sort of therapist because Barry didn't seem old enough to judge him, or because he seemed to live in his own world and therefore didn't have enough emotional investment in anything Frank wanted to get off his chest.

Barry had hobbies, as nine-year-olds do. These included watching HBO and MTV with that awesome new cable box, listening to top 40 rock on his clock radio, playing the Commodore 64 in the pool room, and playing God with his He-Man and GI Joe figures. His chief hobby during fourth grade was collecting Garbage Pail Kids. These were the seemingly endless series of Topps cards to which I've already dedicated an entire blog post, if you're interested in reading about them in nauseating detail. To say Barry was obsessed with these repulsive and repetitive little bastards is to understate the case by a mile. So devoted was he that the Mount Holly Pharmacy, where they were displayed at the counter up front, became his second home. So devoted was he that his weekly allowance of five dollars simply didn't cut it. And so one weekday afternoon, while Frank and Faith were who cared where, Barry strolled very casually into their bedroom, pulled open the top drawer of his father's dresser, and removed a wad of cash from beneath the socks and underwear. Frank kept his plastic there as well, but Barry wasn't old enough to understand that. He curled his little piggy fingers around the wad and walked out.

It turned out to be about $500. His taking it set in motion a chain of events which affected everyone at 48 Broad.

To end the post about Barry, let's go back to January 30, 1983, the night of Super Bowl XVII, the night he collapsed on the shit-brown carpet with the first signs of Bell's palsy. He wasn't out for a very long count. By the time everyone else adjourned to the kitchen to celebrate the Redskins victory without noticing the face-down Barry, he himself was already awake. But he didn't move. He couldn't move, not if he wanted to focus on the sound coming from above.

Upstairs, way upstairs on the third floor, in the room that was to be Barry's bedroom, someone was playing a violin.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Notes on Music - Billboard's Number One Tunes (and more!) from the Spring of 1986


The Roggebusch household at 48 Broad Street was a very musical household. The patriarch Frank played both jazz and classical tunes on one of the pianos in the music room. His wife Faith played classical stuff on the second piano. On some nights, with nothing on the tube, they'd play duets. The room also featured a synthesizer and a xylophone. The older of Faith's two boys, Alexander Peterson, was pursuing the bass. The oldest of Frank's biological boys, Stephen Roggebusch, played trumpet.

All of this is quite coincidental considering that, a hundred years earlier, 48 Broad was a music school. Indeed, one of its students was still around in the spring of 1986, when the story collection 48 Broad takes place. Bunny Stringfellow was the top violin student until she passed away from pneumonia at the age of 13 in 1913. Only nine-year-old Barry, the youngest (by far) of the Roggebusch brood, could see her, and see her quite clearly, his lazy left eye be damned. Bunny showed up to play the occasional Chopin in Barry's bedroom (the Blue Room). They'd also chat now and again. Actually, their dialogues were more like monologues by Bunny on how classical music was far superior to the stuff blaring from that weird device called a "radio" next to Barry's bed. Poor Barry had taken a stab at playing the piano himself. With his stepbrother John Peterson, he'd taken lessons for a couple years from the old lady down the street, but he couldn't maintain the necessary discipline. Like his left eye, he was just too damned lazy.


Even those at 48 Broad who didn't play an instrument loved music. Rare was the night when at least one or two of the seven siblings didn't blast something from the boom box in their bedroom. And Frank, when nothing was on the tube and he wasn't in the mood to play anything, would blast either classical or jazz on the living room hi-fi system.

But this post isn't about Frank's tastes. Or Bunny Stringfellow. Or classical or jazz. I'll touch on all that another time. No, I'd like to paint a small picture of what the popular tunes were at this time, the kinds of stuff you'd've heard on your local top 40 radio station in the spring of '86. This'll give you some idea of what the vast majority of the Roggebusch kids were listening to (loudly) on any given night. The only exception is Louis. With his taste in rap, he couldn't be bothered with most of the stuff listed below.


Here are the songs that made number one on Billboard in the spring of '86.

March 1-8 - "Kyrie" by Mr. Mister
March 9-15 - "Sara" by Starship
March 16-22 - "These Dreams" by Heart
March 23-April 12 - "Rock Me Amadeus" by Falco
April 13-26 - "Kiss" by Prince & the Revolution
April 27-May 3 - "Addicted to Love" by Robert Palmer
May 4-10 - "West End Girls" by The Pet Shop Boys
May 11-31 - "Greatest Love of All" by Whitney Houston


The below songs didn't make number one during the 48 Broad time period but were still very popular. Some, in fact, were past number one hits.

"Can't Fight This Feeling" by REO Speedwagon
"Careless Whisper" and "Everything She Wants" by Wham!
"Jump" by Van Halen
"Sweet Dreams" by The Eurythmics
"One More Night" by Phil Collins
"Footloose" by Kenny Loggins
"We Are the World" by USA for Africa
"Our House" by Madness
"The Show" by Doug E. Fresh
"Against All Odds (Take a Look at Me Now)" by Phil Collins
"Voices Carry" by Til Tuesday
"Your Love" by The Outfield
"Cum On Feel The Noize" by Quiet Riot
"Obsession" by Animotion
"I'm Chillin'" by Kurtis Blow
"Some Like It Hot" by Power Station
"Crazy for You" by Madonna
"Hello" by Lionel Richie
"Don't You (Forget About Me)" by Simple Minds
"Let's Hear It for the Boy" by Deniece Williams

I omitted one song so I could give it special mention: "Take On Me" by a-ha. For whatever reason, "Take On Me" always made Barry think of Misty, a cute blonde in his fourth grade class for whom he harbored a Garbage Pail Kid-sized crush. Suffice it to say this song grew to be of enormous significance to our little guy. He could listen to it innumerable times without tiring of it (much to Bunny Stringfellow's Garbage Pail Kid-sized chagrin). Even after Barry got over Misty, "Take On Me" always remained one of those tunes that invariably evoked--how to put it?--a certain level of emotion which, if it could manifest itself, would look like a burgundy wash cloth saturated with warm, soapy water. On the one hand, it would feel positively divine as it traced the contours of your body. You'd feel like you were melting in its wake. Don't forget that soap, though. Sometimes a drop or two would get flecked into your eyes. And you'd cry a little.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Notes on Oh Hell!

Oh Hell! is a card game unique in the fact that it never fails to live up to its title for everyone who plays it. It's not like most card games. Take 21 for instance. When you sit down to play 21, you could easily play oodles of hands and never once get 21. Ever. You could play baccarat (which comes from the Italian word for zero) and never once get a zero. Although, come to think of it, you wouldn't want a zero. You'd want as close to a nine as you could get. That makes me wonder why that game is named zero instead of nine. Is that an ironic title? At any rate, Oh Hell! is neither an ironic title nor a title whose realization could elude you. It doesn't even matter if you end up winning the game. At some point on your journey to victory, no matter how decisive, you will experience frustration, just like all the losers, worthy of the name of the game. Nor does it matter how many people are playing. You could have, say, nine people playing a game of Oh Hell!. I guarantee you that all nine will, at some point, get pissed off enough to exclaim the name of the game.

Nine is the number of people who play it at 48 Broad Street. That's how many people make up the mixed brood who live there, presided over by Frank Roggebusch and his third wife, Faith. Between the two of them, they have seven little kidlings to take care of. Well actually, I shouldn't call them little or attach the syllable "-ling" to any word referring to them. Perhaps that would only work for the youngest (by far) of the bunch, Bawrence Barney Roggebusch. Bawrence to his dad and stepmom. Barry to just about everyone else on the planet. That was yet another cool thing about Oh Hell!. Since it neither involved betting money nor was difficult to figure out, anyone could play it, including nine-year-old droopy-eyed bed wetters like Barry.

Frank introduced everyone to Oh Hell! not long after they all moved to 48 Broad in January 1983. It was a Saturday night, as it usually was when they played. Dinner, always prepared by Frank, was done. The dishes, always a team effort, were done. Not much was on TV, which of course has been the case with Saturday nights since time immemorial. So Frank suggested they all come back to the kitchen for this cool new card game he wanted to show them. In no time flat, Oh Hell! became by far and away the favorite pastime of the 48 Broad brood. By the time we arrive at the spring of 1986, when 48 Broad takes place, the Roggebusches were playing it with just as much frequency and heated intensity as ever.

So how do you play? I'll explain it to you just as Frank did on that night 25 years ago. Okay. Each player is dealt a certain number of cards. Let's say ten. That's a nice round number. Of course, that meant the Roggebusches would play with two decks of cards, since one deck only has 52 cards. Anyway, so each person at the table starts with ten cards. Before play can begin, each player has to announce to Frank how many hands they think they'll win. This is called their bid. Frank then uses the soft-tip pen (black, blue, red, or green) to record all the bids on his yellow legal pad, on which he has a grid mapped out with everyone's names on the left. This is how he keeps track of all the bids and all the scores. After all ten hands have been played, each person gets a score. If the player wins the number of hands they bid, they get that number plus ten. If they don't win thier bid, though, their score is reduced by the difference between the number of hands they did win and the number of hands they bid on. The only exception is if that loser had the highest score after the previous hand. If the high scorer gets the wrong number of tricks, then their score drops by that same difference...multiplied by five! Okay? So for example, let's say you're the (un)lucky schmo with the highest score, and then on the next round, you predict you're going to collect three tricks. In other words, you tell Frank that you bid three. But then your luck goes to shit, and you win five. Instead of your score being reduced by two points (the difference between five and three), your score is reduced by ten points. Man. Nothing like the pressure of staying on top, eh? You may not think there'd be much pressure. After all, you're sitting at your computer right now, all relaxed and comfy. What pressure could there be in a card game with no cash at stake? Trust me. If you were playing Oh Hell! right now, and at some point you were leading the pack, especially a pack as volatile and carnivorous as the Roggebusches, the pressure to keep bidding correctly would squeeze more sweat from your forehead and pits than sitting next to a frickin' water heater in a tiny dark closet with the door locked. Inevitably you'd fuck up and then watch Frank, no doubt with wet-lipped glee, write down your new, and much reduced, score. And he'd do so in a very slow and meticulous fashion, as if trying to rub your face in it. Say it with me now: Oh Hell!

Just a quick note about bidding. Everyone at the table can bid whatever they want. Except for the dealer. Let's say you're the dealer. It's the beginning of the game, and you have to deal around the table until everyone's got ten cards. The first person to bid is the person to your left. And then we work around the table until we arrive at you. The dealer is always the last person to bid. If you're at the Roggebusch table, that means eight other people get to bid before you. Let's say each person has bid one. That means each of those eight people are convinced that they have one card in their hand that will win them one trick and that the other nine cards in their hand aren't good enough to justify a higher bid. Since eight people have bid one trick each, that means eight tricks out of ten have been accounted for. Let's say you, the dealer, would like to bid two. Too bad. You can't. That would add up to the number of cards dealt, and that's not allowed to happen. You get me? The total number of tricks bid on must NOT equal the number of cards dealt to each person. So in this example, you may bid zero, one, or anything higher than two. If the other eight had bid on a collective ten tricks, then the dealer may not bid zero. If the other eight bid on a collective number of tricks higher than ten, then you the dealer can bid on whatever you want.

Now comes the crucial question: How, for the love of New Jersey, do you win a hand at Oh Hell!? Let's stick to the above example, where you are one of the nine Roggebusches, and it's your turn to deal. After you've dealt all the cards, you put the remaining deck next to you and turn over the top card. Let's say it's a...oh I dunno...a three of diamonds. That means diamonds are now trump for that round. So if someone is dominating a trick with an ace of clubs or something, and it's your turn and you throw out a two of diamonds, then you beat that ace, and if no one throws out a higher diamond, you win that trick. As with bidding, the first person to start the first trick is the person to your left. That person can throw out whatever they want. Whenever a new hand starts, the first person has free reign. So let's say, to kick things off, the person to your left throws out a seven of clubs into the middle of the table. The next person now must throw out a club. If it's higher or lower than a seven depends on if that person wishes to win that hand. If that person has no club, then they can throw out whatever. After all ten people have tossed out a card, then whoever has the highest club wins the trick. But again, if someone chucks out an ace of clubs, but then someone else who has no club throws down a whatever of diamonds, then that diamond card wins. Whoever wins that hand will then be the first person to throw down the first card to start the next trick. Whoever wins that trick will then be the first to start the trick after that. That's the way it proceeds until all ten tricks have been played. Then Frank will pick up his pen and go around the table to see who won the number of tricks they wanted, and who didn't.

And now the person on your left has to deal. Each person will get nine cards. Everything above will then be repeated. After all nine tricks have been played and the scores adjusted accordingly, then the next person will deal eight cards. You see where this is going, don't you? The deck of cards works its way around, with each round having one less card. Eventually we get to the point where each person is dealt one measly card. That's always fun (not!), because most everyone will bid zero, and then the dealer won't be allowed to bid one. Lovely. After that, everyone gets two cards. We now work our way back up to ten.

Please note that the above is just an example. You can play with as few, or as many, people as you want. There's also no rule saying you have to start with ten tricks. You can start with more (good luck!) or a little less. Don't start too low, though. The game'll go by too fast. Nor, once you get down to one card, do you necessarily have to work your way back up to whatever number you started at. That's just how Frank Roggebusch prefers to do it. Who are his pupils to say no?

One more thing about the Oh Hell! tradition at 48 Broad. After the game, Frank likes to doodle a bit on the score sheet, sketching stuff like World War II fighter planes and tanks. To cap off the evening, everyone puts a dollar into the middle of the table. Frank reshuffles the deck and deals everyone seven cards face-up. Now it's like poker. Whoever's got the best hand will win the nine dollars. You might think that's no big deal, right? It's just nine dollars. But it means there will be a second winner for the night. They like to spread the love at 48 Broad.